Successful Sunday!!!

Ok, So you remember I said I was trying to get my wine/cabinet/entertainment shelf done? I had originally found a beautiful one with the glassed in door (see my previous posting about it), but when I started to try to refinish it, it was taking forever and alot of stripper just to get a small area started. Meanwhile my living room/dining room area keep sitting in boxes because I can't move forward with my plans.

Well I was out and about at my local Goodwill and OMG! I found the perfect entertainment center that I would not have to refinish. It was the right color for the wood in my home, it had the height I needed to compliment my tall ceilings, and clean lines. So I paid for it $37.99 and set about to find another friend up here in WP with a truck. (Poor Echo and her dad lugged the last one home for me while I was gone for the weekend) I found my friend down the street, Donna, and she could move it Friday night.

We get to the store and find out its about 5" to wide for her truck. They store clerk is telling me they can refund my money and put it back to the sale floor and if its still there when I get a bigger truck I can repurchase..... uh....NO. So I started looking at it, and found it could be unscrewed at one of the columns which would then make it big enough to fit. So we did this...the store manager wasn't very happy because it put her teenage worker over by 15minutes (but he wasn't complaining). Anyways... needless to say it took some maneuvering once I got to getting it put together the next day, but I finally got it all secured, it looks good as new and was sooooooo worth the wait. Here are the finished pix.

 here you can see the full view, kinda.....I have got to get me a new camera.....Ok so in the middle on the top is all my shot glasses (well not all still have to find a few) and then my collection of the little single shot bottles. In the center of that I have a couple of my flasks.

 The left side has all the alcohol, the second shelf is the mixer stuff, the third shelf is tea cups and ice cream serving dishes, 4th shelf is my Mikasa dishes (for company), have to find the others, and the bottom is cook books. Inside the cabinet are the MixMaster and the Ice Cream Maker...hidden away where no one can see...may put a shelf in and move them elsewhere....that will be later....after I have rested...lol

That's a better pix. You can see the height I needed to compliment my ceiling. On the right side is all the wine/beer/well drink, martini glasses etc. The 4th shelf has the ice bucket, and of course more cook books on the bottom. The top of the left tower is my Scottish Whiskey Tour (yep have renewed my pursuit since I am going in May and need to know what I am drinking), and the right is just some collectibles... I used the tall wine glass one year at Jer and Martina's New Years party, and I only had one drink.... THAT one... it was awesome all kinds of champagne, and fruit and who knows what else, but it holds a special place, and now it gets its own tower!)  How do you like the beer keg wine bottle holder??? I also go that at the thrift store for about $24.99 and then it was 1/2 off cuz of the tag color....I LOVE Thrift stores!)

And finally this is the nice thin profile I get looking at it from the couch. (Yes, those are still Christmas decorations that are up... when you live by yourself...who cares?? No really couldn't get to them and had not cleared space in the garage for them yet, now my two 8' x 8' shelves are build and craft area set up, I can get to the boxes and have a place to put them!!)

Soooo. it was a pretty successful Sunday, and it feels so good to walk past and just admire it...finally.... what did you all do??

Weigh -in Wednesday 2/29

Oh man..... I was so nervous and uptight to go today because I was sick last week and when I am sick no amount of good food is going to make me feel better. Besides my daughter was here and I never want her or Seany to feel like they have to alter what they are eating to accommodate me. So we compromised... ICE CREAM makes everyone feel better, doesn't it?? And pizza is ok if you get the think crust and veggies, right?? And the margarita was to help me so I could sleep! And inbetween these treats I was being good, but I think I needed a break out of protein jail. And they way I felt I was not about to perform and Turbo Jam moves.... I would have been a hot mess trying!!I just want to say thank you to Court! You were awesome each time you asked if I could have things and tried to fix things I would eat. I so enjoyed your and the tiny man's time here, even though I was sick! So the deviations werent a bad thing....I needed it, and I'm a big girl, I knew what I was doing. So thanks for sharing with me.(So glad the tiny man wasn't sick!)

So I was off my routine enough that a couple days last week I put on the smaller scrub pants I had been fitting into and they didn't fit again!! Waaaaaahhhhhhhhh! It was frustrating, and I was cranky at myself. BUT the smaller top still fit! So I worked my way back onto my regime, and in a couple more days the smaller pants were back and fit ok...WHEW!!!! I hate to even think about backsliding. I am going to fit comfortably (as it can possibly be) in the airline seat for my trans- Atlantic flight to Scotland at the end of May (with Busty and Shaunda). I am also going to look a little better than Busty remembers me last, when I go to Idaho for their wedding March 17th. So I have some goals and work to do!!

So, although I have been tracking my weight since the sick week, I was still nervous to get on the scale today. I was excited when it showed a 1 lb weight loss!??! That is crappy for a two week weigh in (should have been at least 4#), but at least I did not weigh more than my last weigh-in! But here is the weird thing.....I also lost 8.5", half of that off the thighs (must have been all that ladder climbing and calisthenics I did while building my 8ft x 8 ft storage shelf, ALONE!!). So I'm not horrified, but now I need to be refocused. I admit to having become a BROCCOLI fiend!! Nom, Nom, Nom....

Class avoidance and Making the marriage Rock

Oh Man.... doing the reading for class tonight I am trying to wrap my head around Concept Analysis as it relates to Nursing Practice. As I read that phrase I can "see" the words, but what registers in my brain is the sounds of the "teacher" in Charlie Brown... "Waaugh, waugh waaaaa, waaauuuuuugh, waugh, waughhhhhh"....:::::sizzle::::: that was my brain frying and turning over with its feet up in the air....So I am letting it lie down and recover for a little bit whilst I post something I found on Pinterest....great avoidance tactic, I know, right??

Ok someday (god willing and the house doesn't slide down the mountain) I will use this list again, but in the mean time I know there are plenty of fun and loving couples that might find something new in this list. The couple who's website I stole this from seem very much a fun couple in their picture.

http://wearethatfamily.com/

Enjoy!

100 Ways to Make Your Marriage Rock

10:48 pm Bykristen

1. Write him letters
2. Go on regular date nights
3. Write his name on lipstick on the bathroom mirror
4. Revitalize the romance with intimate dates
5. Pray together
6. Hide notes in secret places
7. Go to bed at the same time
8. Listen to music together-share earbuds
9. Send him on a scavenger hunt in the house
10. Buy him gifts he will love
11. Hide a treat in his glovebox or desk at work
12. Read the Bible together
13. Wear shirts that tell the world you love your spouse
14. Praise your spouse to other people
15. Let them overhear you
16. Read a marriage devotional
17. Porn-proof your home
18. Be best friends
19. Sleep in his t-shirts
20. Look to him to make the big decisions (see comment section for my opinion on #20, #21)
21. Let her make the small ones
22. Don’t nag him
23. Put down the seat, pick up your socks for her
24. Renew your vows privately with whispers and memories
25. Renew them publicly with cake and bubbly
26. Fight naked
27. Tell him you like him
28. Receive his compliments
29. Pick your battles
30. Show her you love her and tell him you respect him
31. Go away together at least once a year
32. Frame your wedding vows
33. Her: Read For Women Only
34. Hang pictures of the two of you around your house
35. Kiss in front of your kids
36. Make his favorite dessert
37. Have pictures of just the two of you made
38. Make sex a priority
39. Spend time apart occasionally
40. Learn to enjoy something he loves
41. Surprise each other
42. Meet him at the door
43. Dreamstorm
44. Text each other from across the room
45. Be accountable to each other
46. Set reminders on your phone to remember him/her throughout the week
47. Call him right now and tell him you appreciate him
48. Be affectionate
49. Him: Read For Men Only
50. Leave work and come home early
51. Wash, vacuum her car. Keep it full of gas.
52. Give each other romantic coupons
53. Engage every day in meaningful conversation
54. Compliment each other
55. Touch your spouse several times throughout the day
56. Take one day a month to make your spouse your total focus
57. Let each other sleep in
58. Be spontaneous!
59. Argue fair: avoid these words “you always” and “you never”
60. Kiss every day
61. Find tangible ways to serve your mate without complaining
62. Forgive quickly
63. Be honest.
64. But not hurtful
65. Get on the same page: plan your budget together
66. Look your best as often as you can
67. Guard your marriage
68. Get out of debt (and stay out)
69. Laugh together
70. Have a date night in
71. When your together-BE TOGETHER (take a break from phones, technology, etc)
72. Talk about your favorite memories together
73. Tell him he’s sexy just because
74. Tell her she’s pretty, especially when she’s not feeling it
75. Make him breakfast in bed
76. Do her chores for her
77. Get a couple’s massage or host your own privately
78. Read a book out loud together
79. Dance together-soft music (alone) or rocking music with the kids
80. Bring her/him a favorite drink during the middle of the day
81. Exercise together-hikes, bike riding, etc
82. Choose not to be annoyed by an irritating behavior/disappointment
83. Tell him a secret he doesn’t know about you
84. Thank your spouse just because, often
85. Sit on the same side of a booth at a restaurant
86. Lay in bed together and stare into each other eyes, without talking
87. Learn something new together-take an art class, cooking lessons, etc
88. Leave a sweet comment on the Facebook wall
89. Teach your kids about marriage
90. Stop what you’re doing, look them in the eye and listen to their answer
91. Create art together
92. Support each other’s goals
93. Know when to talk and when to hush
94. Consider counseling (even if there’s not conflict)
95. Doodle his name
96. Bring her flowers (even when she says they are too expensive)
97. Wear something he loves
98. Share furniture-sit in his lap
99. Fight for your marriage
100. Remember your spouse rocks-even when they don’t

Weigh-in Wednesday

Ok, well I have been having weigh-in Wednesday for a little over a month. I didn't want to write about it until it was really working. It, isn't a diet. It is a medically monitored wellness plan. Ee gads that sounds like an old persons diet, its not.

My doc recommended this place, actually he wrote a prescription for it last August, but it conveniently kept getting put from stack to stack when I sorted and got lost for a while. I had great weight loss success with the assistance of phentarimine (no, no phen-phen) which simply helped curb my appetite so I could focus on eating healthy. But I didn't understand the nutrition part of the eating healthy so after two months off, and maintaining, I hit a crisis mode and lost all my marbles and fell off the wagon, and like so many other diets, I gained it all back and more.

Phenteramine did its job properly. It is medically used for 3 months, because your stomach is going to shrink all its going to within three months. My problem was not getting the appropriate education to sustain the loss...too bad...imagine how much further I would be right now...but...it is what it is. Doc allowed me to have a short supply again months ago to kick start myself, if I promised to go to this Wellness place. I didn't follow through on the promise and I didn't want to start the med again without being able to follow through....so I did nothing.

When my doc suggested the "Wellness Restoration Centers" here in Colorado Springs, my inner petulant child crossed her arms and remained in the defensive posture. I did not want to go to some place that was going to make me work, or sing kume by ya. So even though he wrote the perscription, I exhibited my control and said no. (::::rolling eyes::::)

Well....nothing like a trip to Scotland and thinking about the transatlantic flight and how uncomfortable that would be at my weight, to motivate me to go check this place out. I walked in, seemed normal enough, saw the "Restore you HEalth, Restore your Life" slogans, crossed my arms again. I saw they had prepackaged food, and I mentally checked out. Yep...its just like a Jenny Craig, i have to be dependent on THEIR food to loose weight....go figure.

She called my name. Fine.... I will go, and listen to the speel, but I am not signing up for a hundred years of food contracts. Sadly I went in defensive, but gladly the lady saw right through me. Saw right through me daring her to help me.... I am so transparent. The idea behind the place is tailoring your dietary/nutrition needs to what your body and you need. How the heck did I KNOW what I needed. So we talked. She talked I listened. I hate that she made sense....I was being sucked in, dammit! She told me I could do the same thing I did with Phentaramine, in less time, and with results I could sustain.

Of course I can if I buy your food! What's that she said?? I can do this with my own food??? Its like my ears instantly  burst their locks and sprang open. My OWN food? Isn't their whole mojo to get people to buy their food? No its just another option. Ok....I'm listening...I don't want to go to my daughters, or camping and worry that I didn't pick up my "food" before I left. I needed to be able to walk into ANY store and buy my food. Yes, I can do that? So I made my inner child unfold her pertulant arms, and we listened.

This is the only medically monitored wellness program like it in the state of CO. They want to get you to your healthy weight, teach you to maintain it, and then set you out on your own. Its not a gimmick to get you back in because you fail, they don't WANT to see you back when you are on your own. If you come back its because the counselors failed to do their job, and they don't like that. So each week you are weighed and measured, your blood pressure taken, your BMI and body fat percentage taken, every 10 pounds they send an update to your doctor, so if you are on medications that need adjusting he is able to monitor you and do so. I am not.

So I am on an "ideal" protein diet. Similar to the Atkins, but not with all the bad fats, and with some carbs thrown in appropriately. I have to drink at least 64 oz of water a day. The vitamins I take (with specific meals) multi vit, Calcium-Magnesium, Potassium, Calcium, and Seal Salt. I have unlimited veggies and salad and the rest is tailored to me. There is a ton of normal food to eat!! The first couple weeks I was exhausted of eating so much food! Its a simple one page instruction plan, super simple. Anyone who knows me knows I hate cooking, so I am constantly picking my counselors brains for ways to combine my food combinations. She is great at this.

Until I reach 90% of my goal way I remain on this plan, and it keeps me in ketoacidosis, but not in an unhealthy way (which is why your doc has to write a prescription and follow you on the plan). They are letting my pancreas rest. When I reach 90% of my goal weight, they will slowing reintroduce the healthy carbs, and slowly wake my pancreas back up, and teach it how its supposed to work again. Only once have I experience a headache and looking back over the food journal, it was when I allowed myself to dehydrate.

For the very first time in many years I actually got to hear my stomach growl because it was actually HUNGRY! It was weird. Because I have a goal in mind I am able to negotiate around the temptations, and remain on course. I am actually enjoying some cooking now. I feel like I am in control. Yes, I have slipped, I had alcohol. And it threw me out of ketoacidosis, and I had to buckle down and really focus for a few days to get back in. I'm not counting calories (that would drive me to drink!), I am just eating incredible normal and well. How I should have been eating all along.

With my new discovery of hunger pangs, my counselor and I altered my plan and put my snack around 2-3, instead of before bed. This way I won't hit the 4-5 hour and be starving. She indicated that this was a sign that my body was beginning to regulate itself, and using the stored fats for its energy.  So they tell me the norm these days is a weight loss of 3-5 lbs a week is healthy, and I am doing things right. An average weight loss for the month is about 15lbs, 12lbs for the paramenapausal woman (that should be me).

So without telling you what my weight and actual stats are, I want to share with you my progress (really all the weigh-in posts won't be this long, but I had to tell you about the process). I have been at this, just a few days over a month, to date I have lost

19.8 lbs

32.0 inches

BMI down by 2.4 points

% of body fat decreased by 1.5%

4.5" in my chest

4.5" in my waist

3" in my hips

1" in my arms

3" in my thighs

There were a couple more measurements (Neck, shoulders, under carriage, and ankles) by they aren't tracked on my sheet, but in the health record.

The hump at the back of my neck is gone, I have cheek bones and facial lines again, I am seeing the outline of my deltoids, I actually see the normal curve of my neck along my shoulders and not the Tom Cruise straight slant from neck to shoulders. I am one size smaller in my scrub top. My largest pants are feeling looser.

When I first started this I used my stairs at work to start some kind of real physical activitiy. There is 7 flights. I have been making it up 3 and totally winded, after catching my breath I make it to 5, stop for a short breather and then on up to 7. I try to do that 3 times a week. This past week I started the Turbo Jam workout (w/ Chalene Johnson) from the Beach body series. I also have Tony Hortons 10 minute work out (also from the Beach Body series) and I have a Swiss Ball workout. Once I figure out what I want to do on what days I will be working in 2 days of the Namaste yoga (for you CH hospital folks that is the ones that they did downstairs there for a while) right here in Woodland Park on Mondays and Wednesdays. I loved how I felt and how flexible I became when I was doing yoga before, so I look forward to enhancing my workouts with this again. I got new walking shoes, because I have the loveliest scenery to walk in up her in the mountains, and I have a bike. I need to get used to the walking because we will be doing alot in Scotland.

So...there you have it....this is part of my Phoenix Rising. This is MY year. I will find my carpenter man (that is a whole other posting), and I will feel good about me.

Thanks for enduring the long post...now you can just get the updates on .....Weigh-in Wednesday!!!!

Dream and Paper avoidance

I am currently avoiding the start of my paper due tomorrow. I have it in outline form so its a matter of actually writing it out, but its a game I play with myself. I give myself permission to do this and that before beginning a big project. If I don't then my focus is all about those thing while I do my paper, which, of course, means I will have to stop the mental flow of my paper to complete the tasks, this making the paper take longer. So I do the negotiating up front, and then I have no excuse to do my paper. "I will get to the paper as soon as I finish....".

So today my procrastinativeness (is that even a word?) effort is from a dream I had last night. I have to get it down on paper, because its bugging me. This dream was about Marci, back to life. I laid in bed and puzzled out how this dream even crept into my subconscious because i feel at peace about Marci and her death, I haven't been stressing or worrying about it, I haven't had any longings (that I am aware of) to bring her back, so the timing is weird.

The long and short of it is Marci was back from the dead, with no memory of what happened to her upon her death. She was as real as the computer I am typing this on. As my dreams normally go it was kind of a surreal, and I was again on the periphery of it. I remember feeling like we were in the confines of a car, Court was sitting next to her talking like normal. I want to say I had the "impression" that mom was even there on the periphery guarding, encouraging everyone not to stress her because she couldn't remember. Couldn't remember? That was the least of her worries, how did she become corporeal after being cremated??? I couldn't understand why no one else was asking that.

This seemed very normal to everyone that it was as if she was simply in a coma, and after 11 years, woke up. I found it strange that I came and went like I normally would, without this state of panic about how long her stay was. In retrospect it didn't seem that anyone was bring up current events (e.g, Courts baby, Mom and Dad both having passed, etc) it seemed like it might have been from her perspective. We all know that time is distorted in our dreams, so what seemed to me like hours and maybe even days, might have occured in a few minutes.

When I was more awake and processing this I was angry that I had been so complacent in not inquiring what was going out, how she could have actually materialized? Had she seen her boys? How did she feel? Was she here permanently? Did she have something she needed to accomplish before returning (because Marci was all about lessons and learning everything she could from a situation so as not to repeat it)? I felt nothing selfish during this experience, nothing that was about me, just HOW can this be? I physically HAVE some of her ashes.

This was different from when she initially died because after some time had passed, I remember the most significant thing I thought was, if she passed onto the realm where she instantly knew and saw it all, she would KNOW who it is I am supposed to find to be my partner for life. I remember being angry with her for years that she could not help me "see" this person, in my dreams, or a gut feeling when I looked in his eyes, and feeling of instant recognition....nothing. Instead in my dreams I would definitely have someone, but he would be without definition in his face, kind of like the figurines I have given Court over time. This person has a strong presence, and I am anxious to see who he is when he materializes, but I eventually got over my anger that she KNOWS and won't say.

The significance of that being, I wasn't even motivated in this dream to ask her about this!!!

Anyway...as I sat here over coffee, and avoid my paper, I realized its source or at least how it might have gotten into my head....I watched the Vampire Diaries last night before going to bed. This specific episode was of the original vampire family being in their coffins for a very long time, and with certain specific rituals they were reanimated as if no time had taken place (the magic of television, of course). Sadly the mother had done this so she could link them all so they would all die a real death if something happened to just one of them, because she felt she had created an abomination, so it was her duty to end it.

I like the entertainment value of the show, and did not feel myself internalizing it. I never had with regard to Marci, so I find it weird that my subconscious mind went and did it for me. But isn't the sub conscious mind  a manifestation of our conscious mind? I am at peace (or so I think) about Marci. I don't have any ideas of her reincarnating or anything like it. There hasn't been a single conscious thought I am aware of lately that would have brought her into my paranormal imagination. I feel like I keep those two realms seperate. I know what is real and what is not.

So is it possible that a part of my subconscious mind really wouldn't mind seeing her reembodied? I know she had beliefs in reincarnation, and I subscribe to that on some level, so wouldn't my mind have tried to follow that path in my dream? Or maybe my mind was just lazy and didn't want to go to all the work of creating a reincarnated Marci? Because she believed in that, I have often wondered, since  she believed her essence would continue, if I would "recognize" her if she did reincarnate to someone that bump into my pathway of life. Those are the thoughts I entertain when I think along the lines of her, not reembodying as herself.....

Ok how was that for weird???

What kind of wood...

Ok you wood buffs out there, I need help identifying the type of wood I have in my home...specifically. Here are some samples

1.

2. Trim around room entry's

3. Wood on the floor, and wood trim against wall

4. Mostly on the window ledges

5. Wood on the trusses

6. Stair rails

7. mostly doors

So there you have it....anyone can help me identify these I would be grateful!

More thrift store treasures

Ok, here is another treasure I found for $40 for the set.

Once I got it home I could tell (at least I think I can) someone handmade this (which makes it all the more awesome to me) or there is a manufacturer that likes things more rustic. Either way its got some classy touches and detail work, yet still has clean simple lines, and will fit into my decor perfectly. I have to buy two metal side rails with the hook ends, but that will be cheap.I will have to strip and sand to clean up some of the wear and tear on it

 Its not the best picture as I took it one morning after I pulled the Explorer out. But there are more detailed ones below.

This is a better look at the headboard 

See, maybe some of you carpenters can weigh in on this, does this look homemade or made to look homemade?

Nice routing details, keeping with my need for clean lines....

This is the kickboard on the headboard, you can see it's got the really grainy end of this piece of wood. That was another reason I thought it home made, again I like that.

This it the rail end for the hooked rails. You can see some of the wear and tear that I need to sand out....simple enough....

Little hinge work....

And these button metal disks. This one, you can't see it in the picture, but the nail head is bent to the side a little, another hint to the possibility of being home made or that it came off and was reattached.

So this isn't a major project, just strip, sand and re-stain....and to find the bed rails...

I'll keep you updated...

Thrift store treasures

Ok, anyone who knows me, knows I am a "furniture reassignment" junkie!

This is the art of taking something that is and making it into something new and different. I could buy most of the things I do this to for cheaper at a store but there is something therapuetic for me in the tactile touch of making something with your hands. I drive the real carpenters crazy because I don't have a plan most of the time, just a concept in my head. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't.

My latest conquest is what used to be an entertainment center with shelves and a pull out tray.

My goal is to make cut-outs on the two doors and do the scroll saw work so they match the other door. A light will need to be mounted in the left side as most of the bar ware (glasses etc) will go on that side. I need to make shelving on the right side, and I'm not sure if I will extend how far out the pull out tray goes so to make a "drink work bench", or not. You can't tell in this light but its a little too red to match the wood in my home, so I will strip and re-stain as well.

I am also on the hunt right now for a short (2 drawer high kind) base to give it some height as the wall this is going on is tall, and will give me a couple more spaces for "guest" dishes, table linens etc. To do that I will have to remove the exsisting legs so it can be mounted on the base, and maybe I will attach those legs to the new base, depending on what the new base legs look like. Of course I will do some trim work to tie the two pieces together.

Yes I have the two drawer, just took them out for the trip.

So I will keep you updated on this as it goes.

Technology and Superman Seany

Oh man this is one of those subjects that I feel is a battle I am not sure I will win. 

I am sooooooo appreciative of Buster initially who seemed to be a genius on the computer, when we worked together at CH. There wasn't anything he couldn't figure out on the computer for me. He still is super smart about computers, but being in Woodland Park, I don't get many opportunities to see what he does with them now.

Which brings me to my fabulous, superman of a son-in-law Seany. The universe will find some manner in which to award him for all the patience (ok I know he has lost his marbles about me and technology on occasion) he has and still shows me in regards to this world that seems just beyond my grasp... that of technology.

I knew he was a keeper the very first time I went to Best Buy in Grand Junction with Court, after Court and Seany were dating, so I could see where he worked. My understanding of technology did not even have a Best Buy on its radar, so Court had to drag me in. After walking in and being overwhelmed by all the flashing equipment, huge TV's and techno noise, Court led me down the walkway until we had Seany in our sights, and that was when I first fell in love with my son-in-law. Yes, I love him, but in a mum kind of way.

There Seany was, with an elderly gentleman, discussing in detail whatever was hanging from a rack. It wasn't just that he was helping him, he was REALLY helping him. Being a nurse, I have become intensely tuned in to all the nuances of body language. We have to make a million assessments often in a cursory glance. Court went on to go see something, and I kind of moved to the side and just watched Seany. He wasn't like some of the Geeks that would glance past you as they try to explain, always seeming like they had a better agenda somewhere else, or maybe the $1 million dollar client just walked in and they needed to attend to them instead. Seany just focused on his gentleman. His body language showed respect, he was leaning towards the gentleman, he was asking him questions and allowing him time to answer. It was clear that they man was having a struggle with whatever he was learning, and Seany would look him in the eye, ACTUALLY LISTEN, and respond in kind. He never let his attention wander until the customer indicated that he was done and made the move to walk away.

In a time when electronics have invaded every aspect of our life, the younger generation doesn't have the difficulties the older generation does because they are growing up with it. Taking an individual, set in their knowledge base and understanding of basic electronics and throwing them into this microchipped world, is sometimes beyond overwhelming and leaves one with a sense of dread, that if you don't keep pace you are going to be left behind.

My biggest fear....being left behind. My biggest fear is someone giving up on me because they don't think I can grasp the techno aspects. Inside of me is the little girl (we will become more acquainted with her as we go along) screaming to not be over looked, shoved in a techno nursing home simply because she can't wrap her head around the endless possibilities that is technology. 

I've never actually had this conversation with Seany, but my gut feeling is, as long as I keep trying, he won't leave me behind. That's important because I saw myself that day in the store, not as an old gentleman, but someone that is frustrated at being outpaced in their knowledge of something. As a single parent, as a student, as a nurse....there hasn't been much that I haven't met head on and been able to conquer, but with technology I might have met my match. I am just trying to reaffirm with myself that just because I don't grasp how some of these concepts are possible, doesn't mean that I have now become worthless or not worth someones time. It just means I have things to learn, and not having grown up with this beast that is technology, its not natural for me. I have mental blocks.

I secretly read things and try them for myself so if Seany ever asks, I won't feel dumb. I hate feeling dumb. THAT makes me feel old.

I can't think about technology without thinking about my mom. She thought the VCR and the portable phone were complicated, and pretty much gave up at CD's and DVD's. It was just too much for her. I was patient, I walked her through things, but she just stopped. I sent her a digital photo frame recently, so she could see over 700 pix without having to turn and album page. Sadly I don't know if she was able to work with it or not.

That is what I am afraid is going to happen to me, that I will find I have a threshold, and I will just stop wanting to learn technology. And in a world where every single thing is driven by technology, I will be completely left behind. And people don't want to keep picking you up, they eventually just give up and go on without you. This fast paced world we have created, no longer allows for slowing down, there's not a place for someone that can't keep up. THAT is scary for me. 

So.... I keep working at it, and try to be open. I feel like a greyhound racing to catch the carrot. As long as I keep moving the carrot stays within my reach. Although I may never catch it, its still remains visible, and makes me feel like I am still in the game. While Seany has patience with me now, I worry that one day, he too will tire of someone that just can't get it, and then I will be so screwed.

So for now.... I am so grateful to have a son-in-law who loves the possibilities of technology and doesn't mind sitting with this old person to help her along. So I raise my Sam Adams glass to you Seany, and say thank you for your undying patience, it is so beyond appreciated.

Courts got a blog!!

Ok, So my daughter finally has motivated me to get my butt back in gear to get back on my blog, but hey...she IS the one that had the tiny man that disrupted my life....lol...

Her blog is :     http://momandmonster.blogspot.com/ 

So, updating my previous list

 1) I graduated school - yeah BSN!

 2) I bought a house!!

 3) I became a Gram "bug"

 4) I didn't make it to Scotland last year because the tiny man pre-empted my trip, but will be going with Busty and  Shaunda this May!

 5) I got and LOVE my Nook for graduation (thank you sooooo much Seany and Court!) and because it came from Seany, its not a normal Nook, its a Nook on StErOiDs!!!

 6) I started back to school for my MSN

 7) Last but not lease, I applied for a new job (and got it) of Clinical Educator for Surgery (covering 3 campuses) and I start March 11!

  This time I wont wait almost a year to post again.

  Onward to a fantastic new year!!