Week 1 - Take a Step - January 1

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step - Lao-Tzu

The Ask
What did I wish for when I was young? As a child, did my wishes and dreams ever come true? Am I willing to wish dream and do even though I'm not always sure what I'm wishing for? Today, right now am I paying attention to the parts of my life that matter the most? What's the first thing I need to do before I embark upon this year upon this year long journey? Am I prepared for the hard work ahead? What will my life look like in a year?

At this moment, I do not remember wishing for anything when I was young, except to get out of my parents house and away from my dad. I'm sure when I wasn't "surviving" that I had a dream, maybe I will find some of my old journals and see something in there. It feels awful to have such a blank. Its always been about surviving for myself, then for my daughter. She is competent and taking care of herself and family and really doesn't "need" me. I should feel happy and successful about that, but instead I have equate that lack of "need" as lack of love. I have to untangle those two and currently I don't have the tools to do that on my own. To embark on this journey, I have to be honest with myself and how I feel. Not say things to make others happy. But also don't offend others in the process. I feel committed so I believe I am prepared for the work. Its got to be different than it is now, I will not survive emotionally, if I can't change.

Practice
1)  How would I like my life to look in a year? 
I want to not be angry, I would like to know peace in my heart, to understand what that really means. To not feel I am constantly in survival mode. Maybe even find love again

2) The first steps I can take to wish, dream, and do include:
Stop, just stop the uncoordinated forward motion. Quiet the anger in my head. Do one thing that I remember that I enjoy, and find the simple joy in it again. There are two things I want to begin again. Jewelry and yoga. Jewelry because its real, tangible, and something I created and yoga because it helps quiet me inside.

3) What are the initial challenges I'm likely to encounter?
Myself. I have become a master of self sabatage and I don't even know why? I deserve to be happy, but everytime I get remotely close, I step in my own way.

Affirm
As I take a step I...
feel empowered. I feel a commitment inside this time, I don't want to continue as I am.

It begins....